There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
