Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
