Can i not drive my cunt home
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
