Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
