and next time when you feel me up, do it right
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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