I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
