I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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