vagina is talking i cant
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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