I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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