hotel room ftw
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Randomize
