In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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