Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
