I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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