you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
