stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
