Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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