So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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