I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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