hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
