im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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