You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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