It's like God shit irony all over that family
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
