Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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