FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
