Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
