i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
