I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
