the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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