Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Randomize
