Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
