best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
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