I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
