she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize
