i was born a porn star she said
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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