My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
