i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
