i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
