just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
