you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Randomize
