Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
