Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I just threw up on my dentist
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
