I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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