The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
