I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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