Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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