the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
