i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
