I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
