"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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