The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
