if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
