i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
