screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
