she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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