you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
