She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
