my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
